The Christmas tree in front of Letterkenny court house is the agricultural equivalent of a bald person. Seriously. It has an acute case of alopecia and is in dire need of some extra insulation. Once again this year, Letterkenny is host to the most Unjoyful Tree In Ireland. Someone out there is responsible for inflicting this repressed and exhausted plant upon the unassuming public. Both tree and human should be unceremoniously tossed into the shredder.

It appears that we've also gone for the 'minimalist' look for the tree again this year. Red paper ribbons and white lights used in the most sparsely-decorated fashion show that we remain firmly on the brink of cutting-edge postmodern design. Minimalism is based on using only the barest, simplest and most fundamental elements to decorate something. To think that all these years I had been blaming Letterkenny Chamber and the Council for penny-pinching on decorations, when all the time they were simply staying in touch with the aesthetics and current trends of minimalist design. I wonder is the fact that the tree is completely asymmetrical and lobsided a postmodern touch too.

Uproar swept the town last week over a piece of neon artwork which was installed at Letterkenny Institute of Technology. Local and national media reported on how this relatively small contingent of staff and students were protesting that the artwork defaces the character of the college. What is phenomenal is that in comparison, not one person from Letterkenny's 18,000-strong population has voiced their concerns over the medieval Christmas decorations in the town. It seems that as a society, we find it completely acceptable to drizzle our town with the gawdiest, most nauseating Christmas decorations ever.

IMAGINE THE HORROR

Imagine the horror. Cute, wide-eyed little kiddies skipping up the Port Road are giddy at the thought of seeing dazzling Christmas decorations. Instead, they are met with demonic neon reindeers and one-eyed Santas shakily suspended from the sides of buildings. Visitors arriving into Letterkenny make a sharp U-turn at the station roundabout when they see the terrifying sight of the 'Failte 2007' sign. Now IT'S like something out of Amsterdam. It never ceases to amaze me how the last digit in that sign is always just a tad off-colour. One word. Tackfest.

We did get a glimmer of hope last year, however. A godly miracle even. Somebody went out in December and hung new, glistening blue light fixtures around the town. They dared to do what no other Christmas decorations in Letterkenny would. That's right - they actually instilled some festive spirit into the place. Their presence even managed to replace the Weather as the number one conversation topic among taximen everywhere. That's one mean feat.

So maybe we're starting to get somewhere then. But until those satanic neon Santas and red-eyed reindeers go, I'm afraid we'll all have a Very Medieval Christmas.