BY NUALA McALOON

Twenty-nine-year-old Andrew Phair from Lisbellaw died tragically from suicide on the 29th September this year. He would have celebrated his 30th birthday on the 22nd of December.

Since his death, Andrew's family have learned of three more suicides within a 15-mile radius of the family home.

Two months on, and still reeling from the shock and heartache of his death, Andrew's family and friends are left with the many unanswered questions that such a sudden and tragic passing can bring to bear.

Yet, despite their pain which is still very raw, Andrew's family have spoken of their experience in a bid to remove the stigma that surrounds mental illness and to try and reach out to all those who may be contemplating ending their life.

In the short eight weeks since Andrew died, his family and friends have also raised £2,200 which they donated to the Aisling Centre in Enniskillen. It provides services for people with mental health problems. The family chose this voluntary organisation to help highlight the fact that such a facility for people with mental health problems is not only available but is attainable locally and can be accessed easily.

The youngest of five, Andrew was the son of William and Rachel and brother of Joan, Robert, Iris and David. Described by David as, a 'happy go-lucky kind of a cub', Andrew had a love for motorbikes and, as well as owning his own bike, he enjoyed going out and socialising with his friends. Yet, behind his happy exterior, Andrew suffered from depression for eight years.

"His death was a huge shock to the family and community as everyone knew Andrew as a happy, outgoing, hardworking young lad who appeared to enjoy life," Andrew's brother David explained.

"He had many interests which included motorbikes, cars, fishing and spending time with his family and friends. But, inside mentally, he did suffer from depression. He did seek psychiatric help but with Andrew's depression, he kept it inwardly. He didn't want to expose his depression or put his problems on anyone else."

David said there were no signs to indicate suicide.

"The news came as a massive shock. We were just going about our daily business, and going to work and then we were just hit with this sudden confusion and disbelief. I didn't want to believe it until I got to the house. I could see the ambulance from the crossroads, but I still thought it may have been one of those attempted suicides that wasn't successful. We just couldn't believe it. It's trying to accept it."

David said the death has been a huge blow for his family.

"It has been so traumatic for Mum and Dad, and it is heart-rendering to watch them particularly. It was just the three of them at home and he was the baby of the family."

Bereavement due to suicide, David explained, was very hard to deal with as it was so different to a normal bereavement.

"Andrew chose to end his life, it was self-inflicted which leaves us with unanswered questions of why, how, if only, what if. You are left with many different feelings such as emptiness, guilt, anger despair, helplessness and disbelief.

"Any sudden death comes as a shock, but a sudden death by suicide there is no explanation and you are left with this emptiness.

"You sort of blame yourself for not trying that bit harder, but you can't be with someone 24 hours of the day.

"I think with suicide if people are going to do it, they will put their mind to it and it happens. Some cases may be a cry for help but his was a successful suicide, he wanted to do it."

And it is for that reason, David pleads with people in that frame of mind to talk to someone and seek help.

"Talking to anybody can help so much. Sometimes I think it is easier for girls to open up, or to talk to friends or colleagues and get whatever it is off their chests. But for fellas, they tend to bottle their emotions up, they don't want to be seen as a failure.

"There is so much help out there but, sometimes when people are feeling down they are not strong enough to seek help. That is why we raised this money, so that we can raise awareness of suicide. If what we are doing can help one family, then it has been worthwhile."

Along with Andrew's friend, Colin Clarke, David and his wife, Rosamond decided to organise a charity bike rally in his memory.

"Everyone met at the family home and took the journey to Ballygawley, Omagh, Dromore, Enniskillen and back to Maguiresbridge, the journey Andrew and his friends would have taken regularly. Close friends, Colin Clarke, Alan Veitch, Rodney Clarke and Johnny led the rally with other fellow bikers, family and supporters following."

This final memorial lap provided a different focus for the family and helped them get through this early stage of the grieving process by providing something them with something positive to do in Andrew's name.

"We decided to donate the money to the Aisling Centre as it is a voluntary organisation which provides services for people in the local community. One of the services it provides is for people with mental health problems.

"It is somewhere people can go to talk to someone and be heard, respected and not judged. Sometimes, people refuse to seek help because of the stigma attached to mental illness or the fear of hospital intervention, so this is why we wanted to donate the money o the Aisling Centre to promote awareness that we have the facility within our community.

"There are organisations and people you can turn to for help, advice and support."

Ahead of Christmas, and at a time of year traditionally known for being lonely, David encourages people to talk and be open with others to discuss anything that is worrying them.

He commented: "Christmas can be a very lonely time and, with the added pressures of a credit crunch, people may find life more difficult. Money may be tighter and there may be more issues that can make things seem worse.

"Since Andrew died, there have been three more people in a 15 mile radius that have also died from suicide which shows that people are succeeding in their attempts. But, it always helps if people can talk."

And for those bereaved by suicide, David would encourage families to remain strong amid their pain.

"You have to stay focused and be strong. It is a very sad time when you always feel empty but you have to be positive and think of what you have got. It makes you realise that life can be taken so easily, so you have to make the most of it and be strong.

"There are other family members and you have to be strong for them."