BY COLM BRADLEY
Low self esteem, negativity, depression and a unrealistic notion of romance were just some of the things that Marion Dante brought with her when she finally decided to leave behind her life as a nun. Although as her book, 'Dropping the Habit', illustrates adapting to life in the 'outside' world would prove difficult and challenging. Simple things, like paying for food, using an ATM machine, wearing normal clothes, doing her laundry were to prove mammoth tasks for Marion after she left her Order of Salesian Nuns.
'Dropping the Habit' shines a light into the darker crevices of life in a religious institution and, for lay Catholics, it can be difficult reading at times. For those within the religious hierarchy, the book will be even more shattering but, no doubt there will be some who wish that it was never written. They will feel that Marion has somehow let down or betrayed her Order by exposing her life and experiences in such a public way.
Exposure, in a way, is what this book is all about. Marion had to come to terms with her life, with difficult moments from her past, and she had to learn to be confident outside the security of her nun's habit.
But, 'Dropping the Habit' does more than just take us on a journey through the life of Marion Dante. It also highlights the antiquated, unrealistic and damaging attitude that prevailed towards sex, not only in the Roman Catholic Church but also in Ireland.
It was not a calling from on high, a sense of vocation or any other noble reason that made Marion Dante become a nun. It was something a lot more basic and, in the eyes of her mother, a lot more grubby. Sex, or to be more specific, illicit sex. Conceived in an 'un Catholic way', Marion's entry into the Convent was pre ordained from the moment her father's sperm fused with her mother's egg.
She was to be her mother's 'sin offering'. Her mother, racked with guilt and obsessed with the whispers of strangers, could not live with her shame. She constantly moved the family about, from Ireland to England and back again, trying to find a place to settle her demons.
Marion was to be her salvation. Brainwashed from an early age, her mother told Marion she was special, that she 'belonged to God' and had been born 'in answer to a prayer.'
When she entered the convent at 14, it was clear that is was out of a sense of duty and a way to make her parents proud. The brainwashing continued in the convent. Her reading habits were decided for her and her indoctrination into religious life was a slow but inevitable process.
Marion was married to Christ in 1965, at a time when the church was going through some difficult changes.
Pope John XXIII had called the second Vatican Council in 1962, AND he had famously said that he wanted to 'throw open the windows of the Church so that we can see out and the people can see in.' The change anticipated, however, was slow to come into place. This was especially true in Marion's order of Salesian nuns.
It would be unfair to say that Marion was always unhappy as a nun. Her natural good nature, helpful manner and obvious intelligence meant that Sister Marion, as she was then, taught in some of the toughest schools in London, and there is no doubt if there was one true vocation in Marion's life, it was as an educator.
But, there was something else always gnawing at her. She yearned to be hugged, to develop close friendships and to love. All this was of course prohibited by the order and, increasingly Marion felt trapped. Although, interestingly it is only when she was told the truth about her conception that these doubts manifested themselves in a real feeling that she might possibly leave her life as a nun.
When hearing that she was conceived in an impure manner, she was at first shocked. She blamed herself and considered her vows to be invalid. These feelings quickly turned to bitterness and anger. She was angry at her mother. She felt used. She saw herself as a vehicle to cleanse her mother's sin.
Over time, she realised that she no longer wanted to be a nun. That decision was to prove the easy part. Living with herself as a person, dealing with the death of her father, learning to cope with life as a lay person and, finally leaving her order were to prove more difficult.
This is not a story that sets out to ridicule the lives of nuns. Marion Dante does not write this book from a position of righteousness. In fact, the nuns whom Marion speaks about in her book come across as caring, loving, and dutiful, and many are perfectly content and happy with their religious lives.
What 'Dropping the Habit' does, more than anything, is show that the decisions we make in life need to be our own. Marion Dante learnt this the painful way.
Dropping the Habit was published in 2007 by Poolbeg Press Ltd. It is available at most bookshops and is priced at 15 Euro.
