An acquaintance told me lately that he was feeling much more 'sure' of himself now that he had bought a Tom Tom. To my knowledge this friend has never had a musical thought in his head, nor more pertinently, what one would call a distinctive dance style, so I was surprised that he should try to remedy this by purchasing a set of traditional dance drums. Still, if it was giving him more confidence it just proved the old adage that music can improve our lives in ways we could not have imagined. Holding my own council on all of this, however, I wished him well with his newfound artistic prowess and told him to keep at it on the grounds that he would then undoubtedly improve.

His complete bewilderment at this advice was only explained a few days later when I learned, entirely by accident, that the Tom Tom in question was not in fact the said drums but some kind of gadget that can direct you anywhere in the United Kingdom with a guarantee that you will not get lost. It is a small box affair with a screen that informs you to turn right, left and so on until you reach your destination when, no doubt. it plays the first four bars of the Hallelujah chorus while giving you a round of applause and a hearty Ceil Mille Failte (or the equivalent if you are travelling in Wales, Scotland or England).

This is probably an opportune moment to point out that my acquaintance lives in New Buildings. No not New York where a Tom Tom might have some credence but New Buildings outside Derry where again a Tom Tom might have some value. (But then again probably not.) He has no need for such a gadget and could probably communicate with all the said village using the actual tom tom drums I mentioned earlier although it is probable that an altogether different set of drums rallies the troops in New Buildings. But he doesn't need a Tom Tom to find his way about this picturesque settlement and I have no idea why having it is making him feel more 'sure' of himself. Some research confirmed that it does not double up as a mobile phone or a mugging alarm so why he should feel that his live in enhanced by a gadget that tells him the way round a place he already knows I have no idea.

I did hear during the week that New Buildings has been the deserving recipient of a large development grant so maybe he knows that it is going to be developed into a major urban jungle complete with streets given numbers instead of names and transport thoroughfares that will hurtle cars and lorries between Artigarvan and Donemana. But I doubt it!

Then to crownit all out I saw an advert on the television extolling the virtues of another one of these electronic gizmos with a man walking through a town as though he was a vehicle (reversing and all that) and then ending up at his own car which conveniently has a stand on the dashboard onto which you can attach the gizmo to be read while you are driving. That will be handy then. The chances of you getting where you are going are surely lessened somewhat by the fact that you become an accident waiting to happen as you constantly check your Tom Tom to make sure you are taking the correct turn instead of actually watching the road.

This is another example of some smart-arsed young designer coming up with a gadget that none of us actually needs unless, that is, you are contemplating heading off round the world on your own using only B roads. It is also an indication that the major companies think we cannot use the Tom Tom we have had for years - it is called a map by the way – unless it is talking to us and we are not required to actually read anything.

And which segment of the burgeoning leisure market do you think this gadget is aimed at? Let me ask the question another way. Can you see any self-respecting female being seen on the street carrying such an implement and telling the world that she is completely dizzy and cannot find her way back to her car without an electronic friend? Thought not.

This piece of Tom-foolery is aimed squarely at the sad male 50 something market, the man with too much spending power and not enough to spend it on. How do I know this? Because I want one. I am a sad, easily persuaded fool and do not care if you do not accept that at the end of the day, Castlederg is a pretty big place you know!