New legislation to control the volume of music in pubs and clubs here comes into effect on April 6. The new controls are designed to protect the hearing of bar staff who are constantly exposed to high levels of sounds from bands, tapes, karaoke sessions and other ear-splitting sources. It is in line with the regulations which came into force at the end of April last year to protect staff from the effects of smoking in pubs, as well as just about every other enclosed space which gives access to the public.
If these bar workers were employed in heavy industry most of them would be required to wear ear-muffs. It would be impractical to fit barmen out with ear-muffs, unless they had acquired proficiency in lip reading.
The practice of employing musicians in pubs dates back to the 1960s when the publicians discovered a whole new market – the ladies of Ireland, who, up until then, did not generally darken the doors of licensed premises, except for ould wans who would pop into a snug discreetly designated as a "family department," approached via a "family entrance". The arrival of the lounge brought a degree of comfort, even opulence, to the grotty old "men only" pubs which were the norm in earlier times. A feature of the lounge bar was a little platform or mini-stage where a small group of musicians would entertain the patrons. It was a sort of minstrel's gallery for the common man. The singing lounge would, through time, put paid to the dancehalls and the showbands.
The Irish people are fond of having music in their pubs, as a glance at the entertainment section of any local newspaper will testify. Unfortunately, the same Irish people do not have much regard for the musicians who are playing for them. The patrons chat away, order their drinks, go out and into the bogs, talk on their mobiles, and show little appreciation by way of applause at the end of a set. I have never seen such indifference to live performers in any other country. The musicians, naturally enough, resent this and gradually turn up the volume of their amplification as the evening wears on: some of these speakers are the size of wardrobes and create volume of very high decibels. The punters, in response, raise the volume of their voices, and the situation escalates, until they are virtually shouting into one another's ears. In most cases, they give up and concentrate on their drinking.
Some years ago, I had a little piece in this column about the policy of bars today encouraging loud music, so that the less talking the punters do, the more drink they will consume. A manager of an Omagh pub told me shortly afterwards that he imagined that the article was tongue-in-cheek, until he attended a seminar, conducted by one of our biggest brewing concerns at a Belfast hotel and that this loud music policy was essentially the message that the organisers were putting across. Furthermore, if people drink to the rhythm of a rapid beat, they will drink more.
Irish radio phone-in shows carry reports of ageism in pubs in cities such as Dublin and Cork, where patrons report that they have been refused service in trendy bars because, at about 40, they are too old. Not because they are too young, nobody ever is deemed to be too young! After warnings were issued about discrimination on grounds of age, the owners found a more effective and quite legal means of deterring the wrinklies: Simply turn up the volume of some heavy metal rock opus and they will soon get the message. This is an indispensable way of getting rid of the people who, they imagine, think that heavy rock is the Stone Outside Dan Murphy's Door.
And so, we are told, the days of loud music in the pubs would seem to be coming to an end. As with all laws, it comes down to how thoroughly the legislaltion is enforced. As with the smoking ban, it would seem that enforcement will be the responsibility of local environmental health officers, and if the precedent of the anti-smoking laws is anything to go by, the enforcement will be very thorough indeed. An officer of a Health and Safety Agency has recently told a Belfast newspaper that his colleagues would not be taking their duties lightly, and pubs and clubs who do not abide by the regulations could find themselves being closed down, the ultimate sanction under the powers that the officials will have.
Presumably some sort of meter will have to be installed in every premises to alert the proprietors that the noise levels are "over the top". Even without music, a fully-packed pub can be very loud coming up to closing time on a Friday or Saturday night. What are the publicans expected to do in that circumstance? Issue everyone with ear plugs?
In evidence the tribunal heard that the action before them had been initiated by the former chairman of a locally based company who felt that he had been unjustly dismissed from the post which he had previously held, with a consequent loss of remuneration and status. A spokesman for the firm explained that the appellant had retained his position as a director, but had been removed from the top job because his fellow directors were unanimous in the belief that they needed a figurehead with vision, dynamism and a new approach. The former chief executive had become so stale in his ideas and outlook that the other directors found themselves nodding off to sleep when he addressed them at meetings, his voice droning on and on in the utterance of threadbare platitudes. "What you might call," said the chief arbiter, "the chairman of the bored."
A Longford man recently sued an Irish circus for ¤20,000 damages, after he alleged that he had been head-butted by an elephant. The circus owners claimed that the man had fallen against the elephant's forehead. The case was settled out of court and all parties agreed to forgt about the incident... with the possible exception of the elephant.
The coldest place in Ireland last week, at 10 degrees below, was in County Offaly. In the town of Birr.
It is reported that NASA are to set up a mobile phone network on the Moon. Astronauts will, presumably, be able to phone home. Will this mean the end of the expression 'Wired to the Moon'?
An Irish bar in French-speaking Quebec has fallen foul of the authorities for too much signage in the English language. When the owners offered to change the offending signs to Irish, they were told that was not on, either.
Senator Donie Cassidy has suggested that Irish drivers should change over to driving on the right to help reduce death on the roads, many of them these days involving European immigrants or tourists who are not familiar with the system here.
It is said that another Irish politician had a similar idea some years ago, and asked his colleagues for their opinions. The latter felt that such a move would cause a lot of confusion. In that case, said the imaginative legislator, the new system could be brought in gradually.
