BY MICHAEL DEVLIN

THERE's just something about warm, balmy weather that puts you in the form for drinking – and I'm not talking about quenching thirst or any of that malarkey – although there's a lot to be said for that too. I'm referring to drinking: Getting tanked; laying siege to the bar; praising the great god of the ancients, Al Hugh Hol; a night on the tiles; heading out on a session or even sipping something cool in your own personal (beer) garden. Drinking.

Although practically unbeatable on a warm day, a cold beer can be ordered at any time of the year, but with the onset of spring and summer, what could be better than an ice-cold cocktail, lovingly prepared to your own personal taste. Apart from the hangover (well documented and experienced by people all over the world), the other downside to cocktails is that they tend to taste so good, you soon find yourself staggering about, slurring your speech and haranguing complete strangers. "Did anybody – hic – ever tell you thomthing? Know, you're lethal!"

This is especially dangerous on the Friday night after payday, when, if you're not careful, you can tend to think you're JR.

"Put that money away – I'm buying the drinkth – hic!"

There are many and varied theories as to the origin of the word 'cocktail' but since they're all long-winded and dusty, we'll forget about them for the purpose of time and space.

Just like the little girl with the curl, when they (cocktails) are good the are very, very good, but when they are bad, they are horrid.

Rising to popularity during the prohibition era in the United States, primarily to mask the taste of bootlegged alcohol, cocktails were mixed by bartenders at speakeasies, incorporating many ingredients , both alcoholic and non (every cloud and all that). However, one of the oldest known cocktails, the Cognac-based Sazerac, dates from 1850s New Orleans, as many as 70 years prior to the Prohibition era.

Everyone has their own particular sensibilities when it comes to cocktails and thankfully, there is no end of combinations vying for your tasting custom.

As a greenhorned student, my preferred cocktail of choice was the Snakebite (1/2 pint of beer and 1/2 pint of cider) although these could be quite sickening if you morphed into a stetson-wearing Texan. As I remember, a jag of blackcurrent diluting juice was required to make it halfway drinkable. For the initiated, adding a shot of Pernod to this turning it into a Purple Diesel. Then adding three shots of vodka to a Purple Diesel made a 'Screaming Purple Bastard' – although this is worringly descriptive of the result of drinking one.

The Wild Boar was another cocktail I once encountered during a brief sojourn in Corsica and after three of these, the evening went by in a flash.

THE (WAYWARD) PLAN

Take one pint glass and fill to two inches off the top with beer. Pour in one inch of whisky (ideally manufactured by a slack-jawed crone in a still behind the bar). Turn your back to the bar and throw a coin over your shoulder. Then fill the glass to the top with whatever bottle you hit.

After you down two, this cocktail is also know as the 'What Are You Thayin' Now?'

But for maximum effect, when you want to go from vertical to horizontal with the minimum amount of fuss, there is no better man than Knockout Juice.

THE COMPONENTS

1 shot Jack Daniels

1 shot Southern Comfort

1 shot Tequila

1 shot whiskey

Lemonade to taste.

This should make half a pint and is also known as The Assassin – for obvious reasons – and the taste is best described as 'acquired'.

Alternatively, for the best of every dimension, there are few cocktails to match the salacious Long Island Iced Tea. On a lugubrious Sunday afternoon, one of these badboys is like an intravenous shot of heaven. Not only does it taste like the second batch of stuff they served at Cana, it also makes you feel like you've been visited by the Man Himself.

INGREDIENTS

1 measures vodka

1 measures triple sec

1 measures white rum

1 measures dark rum

1 measures tequila

Lemon and lime mixer, like 7up

A dash of Coke

Ice

METHOD

Mix the spirits with lots of ice then top up the glass with the lemon and lime mixer and add a dash of coke for colour/taste. Sen. Sa. Tional.