The 53rd annual Eurovision Song Contest Finals were held, over three evenings last week in Belgrade. Recent political changes have meant that there are now no less than 43 nations in contention; 19 competed each night in the semi-finals with five nations qualifying automatically: Serbia as last year's winners, along with major funders France, Spain, the UK and Germany, the latter two nations finishing at the bottom, a circumstance which caused no little recrimination in the British press.
No figures from the semi-finals were published until the competition was over, when it emerged that the Irish entry, performed by the glove puppet, Dustin the Turkey, finished 12th out of 19. Many Irish fans of the Eurovision felt that Ireland's entry demeaned our many fine singers, musicians and composers, and made a laughing stock of the country. These critics, like the jurors on the night, do not do irony very well. Dustin's sharp and witty lyrics poked fun at contemporary cultural icons, and quite a lot of the satirical thrust would have been lost in translation. Long-shot camera work emphasised the visual aspects of the entry at the expense of the words. It is difficult to spoof or parody a concept that is ridiculous to begin with, and the performance was as much a lark as a turkey. Nothing ruffled, Dustin assured his fans, "Turkey ár lá."
The first Euro song contest was staged in 1956, when the clouds of war were beginning to clear, and was a light-hearted counterpart to the European Economic Community (EEC), also in its infancy in that era. Like the EEC, the song contest was designed to promote harmony amongst nations that had known conflict and war over the previous half century.
There was only a handful of entrants, confined to western Europe. Because of language difficulties the emphasis was on melody. Tuneful, toe-tapping, singalong ditties were much in favour. RTÉ television began transmitting in 1961, and by the mid-sixties Ireland was being represented by showband vocalists of the era, and secured respectable scores. In 1970, Derry singer Dana, at the age of 17, won for Ireland with 'All Kinds of Everything'. Dana, who went on to enjoy a successful musical and political career, was not at first endeared to Dustin, but her sense of humour, eventually brought her to soften her attitude.
Dana's song was the first Irish winner of the Eurovision, but it was by no means the last: Johnny Logan won three times, twice as singer and once as a writer. Through the 1980s and 1990s, Ireland was such a frequent winner it was rumoured that RTÉ was becoming worried about the costs of staging what was almost becoming an annual spectacle.
On one occasion a Derry councillor proposed that the competition be staged in that city of music with the BBC coming in to share the costs. RTE were having none of that proposal, they quickly made clear.
The station received many plaudits for its expertise in hosting the show, not only presenting the performers, but also providing the entr'actes. Riverdance was born out of a Dublin Eurovision presentation. In the 1990s the 'fillers' included short features on such renowned attractions as the Cliffs of Moher, the Glens of Wicklow, the Lakes of Fermanagh and the Mountains of Mourne. The inclusion of Northern beauty spots brought indignant protests from Unionists who resented what they considered an intrusion. Such was their appreciation of invaluable and free publicity all over Europe.
Politics raised its ugly head, we have recently learned, in 1968 when Spain bribed the judges to award the blue riband to the Spanish entry, 'La la la' which pipped Phil Coulter's 'Congratulations' for the Numero Uno spot. Coulter had the last laugh when his song, sung by Cliff Richard became an international hit, still heard on celebratory occasions. It has provided Mr Coulter with a tidy sum in royalties.
The expansion of Europe has seen nations tending to vote in blocs: this year's winner, Russia, had the maximum 12 points from neighbours and former vassals Ukraine, Belarus, Armenia, Estonia, Lithuania and Latvia. The Nordic countries stick together, as do the Balkan states. The countries of west Europe are not so clannish, although Britain and Ireland tend to give each other mutual support. Geography has something to do with that, as does a common language. Of the UK's 14 points last week, eight came from Ireland.
Terry Wogan, who has been covering the competition for the BBC for some 30 years has said that he is contemplating giving up the job as the contest is "No longer a musical competition." He had predicted at the start of the year that Russia would win, "for political reasons."
The Eurovision has been a naff event for years. Still and all, it is better to have the nations of Europe making music not war.
In evidence the court heard that the defendant had been summonsed by the local municipal authority, on account of his persistence in contravening local clean air by-laws. He had been repeatedly reminded that the burning of fossil fuels was prohibited in the area, but he had continued to burn coal, coke, turf and logs, although he must have been well aware that he was violating the regulations. His solicitor said that he was preparing for the forthcoming oil shortages and expenses, and that he would not be the only one as the crisis worsened. He claimed that such by-laws would soon need to be reviewed. "As the saying has it," said the RM, "there is no fuel like an old fuel."
Police who pulled over a car recently close to Alice Springs, Australia, were startled when they discovered that a 30-can pack of beer was strapped down between two adults at the back, with a five-year-old child unrestrained on the floor.
Said Constable Wayne Burnett: "This is the first time that I have seen beer taking priority over a child."
In Scotland and possibly Northern Ireland, you will soon be unable to buy packet of cigarettes containing less than 20. The more fags people have in their pockets, the more they will smoke. Kids will club up to buy a 20 packet. Not a bother.
The idea was pioneered in the Republic of Ireland. Recent statistics indicate that smoking there in the past two years has gone up from 27% to 29% of the adult population.
President Bush, on a recent visit to the Middle East has said that he has a long-term scheme for Palestine, which he calls a 'shelf pan'.
Does this mean that Palestine can aspire to shelf-determination?
New Taoiseach, Brian Cowen, plans to abolish the infamous Fianna Fáail tent, a feature of the Galway Races and a substantial source of revenue for the party.
No more loitering within tent.
From the 2CR FM Paul Bunker Show:
Question - Who painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?
Answer - Leonardo di Caprio.
