It seems the health service has become the whipping boy for both public and government. Flu pandemics, long waiting lists, unacceptable levels of care and now it seems basic levels of cleanliness are questionable.
Leaving aside the obvious observation that once something is privatised it seems to go rapidly downhill, the most interesting element of this outcry was the assertion by some that ought to know better that what is needed is a return to the matron.
Now while I am on the wrong end of the lifecycle and have had a few sojourns in hospitals I never remember seeing a matron. This may be because they never actually went onto a ward or because they had even died out by the 1960s. What I do remember, however, is the media representation of them and it was always far from complimentary.
As far as film and television were concerned matrons always came in two varieties. One was the 'Carry On' Hattie Jacques version, somewhat large in frame, and always on the look out for a tryst with the senior consultant – invariably Kenneth Williams. I suppose, rather than efficient and effective, we would have to say that Hattie Matron was more cuddly than intimidating and the impression was always given that the nurses and junior doctors were running proverbial rings round her and, more pointedly, simply laughing at her behind her back. I presume this is not the type the health nostalgics want to bring back.
The other version generally appeared in 'serious' hospital dramas although calling something like 'The Royal' serious drama might be stretching the imagination a little too far. The serious version was, interestingly, the complete opposite of the 'Carry On' character. Always small, thin, and wiry, this matron ruled the hospital through fear and loathing, scuttling around the wards unannounced with a face like a well-slapped bum while terrified nurses jumped to attention and did what they were doing anyway only ten times quicker, which is not necessarily a recipe for good medical care. I have no doubt this is the version those calling for a return to the good old days have in mind.
Problem is though that times have changed and possibly even for the better. If a matron was now to be appointed she would no longer be allowed to treat other workers in the way that matrons once did and any attempt to bully a nurse would be met, quite correctly, with a full-on harassment and bullying case. Nurses too have changed and since they now come into the career armed with knowledge and a degree they would have the confidence to tell any threatening matron to stick her job where the tetanus injection goes and simply move onto another hospital. Nurses are at a premium now and will continue to be while they are underpaid, over-worked and held responsible for a health service which is collapsing through systemic failure not nursing incompetence.
I actually don't think patients would put up with it any more either. Being in hospital is stressful enough without having to tolerate some battle-axe raining on your parade two or three times a day. Having realised at last that this is a service we actually pay for then putting up with Mrs Grumpy is no longer on the prescription.
And most interestingly there would now, under equality legislation, have to be male matrons. This would freak most of us because medicine in particular is a hotbed of gender expectations and stereotypes. Let me explain with a riddle. A young man is knocked off his bicycle by a car, seriously injured and rushed to hospital. His father is at the hospital to meet him but as they are brought into surgery the surgeon stops the trolley and announces 'I cannot operate on this boy, he is my son!" How so?
Well simply because the surgeon was his mother but I would proffer a guess that most of us presume the surgeon has to be male. So male matrons are going to take some getting used to especially if they insist on wearing that blue starched dress and the white bonnet!
It takes a special type to be a matron; one who never allows you to speak when they are talking, who expects you to know what they want before they have thought it, who is always right even when they might actually be misguided (never wrong you understand), one who gives orders and is amazed if they are not followed to the letter and most of all one who if questioned can wither with a look as she announces 'Who's Matron?' And if you know anyone like that keep them away from the jobs pages over the next few months since their ideal job might just be about to appear and your life is in for an injection of irrational discipline and unnecessary upheaval. Just what dying hospitals need at this time.
